What makes a philanderer

Need even more definitions? Homophones, Homographs, and Homonyms The same, but different. Merriam-Webster's Words of the Week - Nov. Ask the Editors 'Everyday' vs. What Is 'Semantic Bleaching'?

How 'literally' can mean "figuratively". Literally How to use a word that literally drives some pe Is Singular 'They' a Better Choice? The list of powerful individuals whose marital transgressions came out this year includes Tiger Woods, David Letterman, former senator John Edwards and South Carolina Gov.

Mark Sanford. The obvious question, perhaps most perplexing when it comes to wealthy men who had beautiful wives and seemingly enviable lives: "What were they thinking? It's in the background. Even if their brains did register the infidelities, high-profile philanderers have so much power and control over their lives they likely couldn't imagine getting caught, scientists say. And with past as their guide wins on the links for Woods and the Hill for Edwards , even if they did get caught, they could control the fallout and stay on top.

Some indiscretions were more surprising than others, with Mr. Family Values — Edwards — coming to mind. The acts are not so surprising for scientists who study this stuff, however. They know that even the most upright, squeaky-clean person can have an extramarital affair, and perhaps they are more likely to do so. Whatever the cause of each extramarital act, mistresses and multiple romantic partners are here to stay, scientists say. From an evolutionary perspective, men are here to sow their seeds.

They desire more sexual partners and even lower their standards when it comes to one-night stands , studies have shown. Guys can get a biochemical boost as levels of testosterone increase when they, say, win an election or a big tournament, Kruger said. Celebrities and big politicians can have an inflated sense of control over their lives and feelings of invincibility.

No one changes all that much, and the complex dynamic between lovers perhaps even less so. So what you'd be signing up for is more of the same, though with a few bonuses: you'd get the legitimacy and ownership you've craved while your affair was secret though he is taking his time about introducing you to his nearest and dearest, isn't he?

You'd get, perhaps, some sense of payback for having given him the best years of your life. And then there is, of course, your incredible physical and intellectual connection stop sniggering at the back, please. There are some people for whom fidelity is not the most important thing.

Maybe you are one of them, though with all the suffering you say he's caused you, I suspect not. This kind of philandering is a form of abuse, and someone so oblivious to your pain does not love you as you think he does. Have a dilemma?

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies. Here the prognosis gets poorer.

Once can be considered a slip up. An aberration. Twice or more is a pattern. Why should the serial cheater be forgiven or provided a third, fourth or fifth chance?

Of course, this is for the person who was betrayed to decide. Some see their own unequivocal commitment to the relationship and love for the offending partner as reasons for either overlooking such bad behavior or for giving them repeated chances to change. This can become a kind of co-dependency, unintentionally enabling and perpetuating the problem. Or they come to see the offending partner as suffering from some mental disorder or substance or sexual addiction that both compels and excuses their abusive behavior.

In certain cases, say of severe bipolar disorder, substance abuse or compulsive sexual behavior, it may make sense to compassionately support and stand by the offender during his or her treatment or rehabilitation. But the key is that commitment is a two way street.

Both parties must be equally committed to the relationship and to monogamy, if that is what is promised and expected. Commitment is an existential choice. A choice one reaffirms each and every day. A womanizing husband may seem like an impossible cross to bear.

However recovery is possible with awareness, time and commitment. Finally, the rewards of recovery are worth the effort for it not only makes the husband a better partner and person but gives a fresh lease of life to the marriage. Require a steady change of sexual partners. Change must begin with the desire to want to change. He also has wandering hands, and probably a long line of jilted lovers.